Myth #4

Your CCP must speak English.
Our friend hired a Chinese nanny who spoke no English, so that her son would be fluent in Mandarin Chinese, which he was studying at school. Many families are teaching their kids to be bilingual by virtue of hiring a non-English speaking CCP. Just be sure you speak enough of the same language to communicate with each other. And, as far as safety is concerned, your CCP should be able to dial 911 and speak English well enough to handle an emergency situation. One mother’s idea of adequate communication may differ vastly from the next. The goal is to be comfortable enough with your CCP’s communication skills to know that your child’s safety and well-being are protected.

Tip # 4

Don't be too bossy!
There is a big difference between being the boss and being too "bossy". Be sure to be polite, respectful, and compassionate towards your CCP. Especially be considerate to the CCP’s who live with you, as your home is also their home during the week.

Rule # 4

Be the Boss
Remind yourself that you are in charge, and raising your children the way you want them to be raised should be an attainable goal. If you do not want your child to play outside because she is just getting over a bad cold, then your CCP should be willing to comply with your parental wishes. Do not get too involved personally, and try to maintain a professional relationship.

Quote of the Day

“The phrase 'working mother' is redundant.”

Myth #3

The best CCP’s come from a placement agency
On the contrary, we know of several mothers who have had bad experiences with the placement agencies, but have hired excellent CCP’s via word of mouth references. The agencies do a lot of the screening in advance, but you are not guaranteed that this person will be the perfect fit for your family. A chance meeting, a referral from a friend or another CCP, and "someone who knows someone" are all good resources for finding solid, caring, and competent CCP's.

Tip #3

Have a back-up CCP.
You don’t want to be left in a pinch when your CCP cancels on you, especially when you have important meetings lined up, and you absolutely need her help on that particular day. If you do not have a back-up CCP, find out if your company has an emergency child-care program, or enlist the help of a close friend or neighbor.

Rule # 3

Choose your Child-care Provider Carefully
Do not rush into the decision to hire a CCP. Remember that whatever option you choose, and whoever you hire will be responsible for your most precious gift, so be selective.

Quote of the Day

“You can have my husband, but don’t touch my nanny!”

Myth #2

CCP's can read your mind.
Unless you tell her, how is your CCP supposed to know that you wash the children’s clothes in Dreft and use Tide for the towels; or that you only let the kids watch their favorite Elmo video after bathtime; or that they are only allowed to have fruits and vegetables for snack time? We will continue to reinforce that communication is key to a good relationship with your CCP. Do not assume that your CCP knows what you are thinking. Be open, and communicate often.

Tip #2

Show your CCP the ropes.
Make sure you are available to show your CCP the ropes during their first week on the job. Try to spend at least one full day together before you go back to work, or leave the house. This way, she can learn your child's routine, and everyone can get to know each other better. By spending time together, your child will feel comfortable with their new CCP, helping this transitional period to go smoothly.

Rule #2

• When in Doubt, Trust Your Gut
Do not be afraid to follow your intuition; mothers are born with this gift. Instinct is important, so listen to your inner voice.

Quote of the Day

“My au pair was like the daughter I never had.”

Do you have a great story you would like to share? Topics that interest you? Feel free to post a comment on our blog-site!

Myth #1

There are so many half-truths surrounding the topic of child-care, and it is time that we set the record straight.

One of the most common myths is:

• Only an experienced child-care provider will do
One does not need years of experience to qualify as a great child-care provider. The experienced CCP’s often come with a wealth of knowledge and insight about children. But, sometimes the more seasoned CCP’s have so much baggage that they are not flexible with doing things a new way, or they may be burned out, or too tired to play with and engage the children. On the other hand, inexperienced CCP’s often have a refreshingly enthusiastic attitude because they want to prove themselves as hard-working, dedicated and capable. Just because someone does not have years of experience does not mean that they are not going to be great CCP’s.

Tip #1

“Do You Have Help?” is filled with advice for every mother who has a child-care provider, or who is looking to hire one. We want to help all of the women in our shoes avoid some pitfalls along the way, and learn from our mistakes. At the same time, we will share inspiring stories to help set the standard and heighten the expectations for having a CCP. Our section on “Tips” offers some valuable pointers for moms. If you have not yet had the pleasure of hiring your first CCP, this section is sure to come in handy. We will go into detail on some of the common do’s and don’t’s including:

Tip #1:

• Stop in on your CCP unexpectedly.
It is always good to know what goes in at home while you are not there. If you are working, send a friend or family member over in the middle of the day just to check up on things. Or, come home earlier that expected, and get a glimpse of the types of activities that your CCP does with your child while you are out of the house. Hopefully, she will be reading, singing and playing with your child. Although, we have heard about the occasional mishaps when a CCP was asleep in the mom's bed, or snooping through her office, and even trying on her clothes in her closet!

Rule #1

OK- let’s get started. Here are the fundamental things to remember about our “Rules”, which will be revealed weekly:
• Each of the “Rules” are ranked as “Always”.
• No matter what the topic is that we discuss in our “Rules”, the underlying theme is communication, which is critical to developing a constructive relationship with your CCP.
• The “Rules” may seem like common sense to many, but it brings you back to the basics, which are sometimes overlooked.
• The "Rules" outline the most important intuitive things that you, as a mother, need to know.

Rule #1 (drumroll, please!)
• Your Child Comes First
Always remember that, above all, your child is your number one priority and concern. It may be tempting to have or hire a CCP out of convenience; someone who may be able to work the exact hours that you need, who is comparatively inexpensive, or who happens to be a great cook as well. But, does she have a good rapport with your child? Does she seem distant? Is she interested in getting on the floor and playing with the kids? If you have doubts about any of these questions, than you are not putting your child first. Make the effort to find the person who best fits the needs of your child. Along these lines, if the garbage has not been taken out, or if clothes are still in the dryer, ask yourself if your child is well cared for, happy, and loved. Your child’s well being and happiness take precedence over anything else.

Tools for Getting Started

Figuring out all of the “in’s and out’s” of child-care is very confusing. Mothers always seem to be in search of answers. They want to solve problems and find solutions. Moms are busy and do not have a lot of time to commit to figuring out all of the answers to child-care. This is where The Working Mother and The Stay-at-Home Mom come into the picture. We have come up with a very simple approach to understanding this complex topic. For starters, we will reveal the most popular “Tips, Myths, and Rules” of finding, hiring, and working successfully with a CCP. We also introduce the “sometimes”, “always”, “never” formula, which is summarized by those three words. It is simple and to the point, and offers valuable pointers for moms.

Here is a quick anecdote to illustrate the “sometimes”, “always”, “never” formula:
A mom once asked us if it was okay for her CCP to talk with her friends on her cellphone while working. This is an example of a “sometimes”. If the CCP spends the entire day on the phone, then it is not okay, and she should not be permitted to use her cellphone. If, however, she gets a call once in a while and only chats for a few minutes, then that is “sometimes” okay. On the other hand, if she leaves a child unattended in a bathtub to answer her cellphone, then this should certainly signal a red flag and becomes an obvious “never”, because a CCP should “always” put the safety of your child first. (You get the picture!)

Child-care can be baffling, with lots of gray areas, which is why we have devised these easy tools to help you. The “Tips, Myths and Rules” are the answers that everymom wants to have. Along these lines, the “sometimes”, “always”, “never” formula gives moms immediate clarification to perplexing issues.

Who's Who in CCP's

Let’s just clarify what we mean when we say “having help”. This expression is no longer limited to the wealthy and privileged; and it certainly does not imply a full time live-in nanny. When we say “having help”, we are generally talking about your basic child-care providers (referred to as “CCP’s” throughout the blog). The definition of a CCP includes live-in nannies, part-time nannies, babysitters, au pairs, baby nurses, day-care teachers, parents, in-laws, other miscellaneous family members, neighbors, friends, or anyone else who can lend a loving, helping hand.

If you have opted for an in-home CCP, a caregiver comes to your home to mind your children exclusively. Unlike day-care facilities, there are no regulatory guidelines with regard to hiring an in-home CCP. Many times, they do not have any prior experience in child-care, they are not educated, or they are immigrants living in the US illegally. On the other end of the spectrum, they might be a student studying for a master’s degree in early education, have had professional “nanny” training, a may even be a retired teacher.
Here is a brief description on the “who’s who” of in-home CCPs:
• Part-time CCP vs. Full-time CCP: Part-time CCPs generally work less than 30 hours per week. Full-time CCPs work on a regular, consistent schedule, usually a 40 hour work week, or more.
• Live-in vs. Live-out: Live-in CCPs require room and board, as opposed to live-out CCPs who go to their own home when their day is through. Generally, live-out CCP’s are more expensive due to the fact that you are not subsidizing room and board.
• Male CCPs (a.k.a. “manny”) vs. Female CCPs: Traditionally, most female CCPs fulfill the stereotypical role of a nurturing, motherly person. There is a recent trend, however, where moms are hiring male CCP’s, especially when they have young boys who are very athletic and active, anticipating that the “manny” would bond more with her sons than a female CCP would. Another common reason for hiring a male CCP is to have a positive male influence in their children’s life.
• Nanny: A person who is an all-around caregiver for your child. The nanny can either be live-in or live-out; and some are full-time, while others are part-time. Aside from the obvious responsibilities of being a general nurturing presence to the children, their duties and responsibilities may include (but are not limited to) bathing, driving, meal-time preparation, playing, homework, outdoor activities, and sometimes light housekeeping.
• Weekend nannies or babysitters: This role is either for a live-in or a live-out position, but the job is exclusively limited to weekend employment.
• Babysitters: This position is once in a while, usually for a few hours at a time, as needed. Twenty years ago, it was very common for teenagers to make extra money babysitting. Today, it is unusual to hire a teenager to babysit, as they have so many extra-curricular activities, in addition to summer internships, they do not have the time or desire to babysit.
• Au pairs: Usually, au pairs are young adults from another country who make a one year commitment as a CCP to your children, in exchange for a small stipend, a cultural and educational experience, as well as room and board. Their work hours are limited to 45 per week, and cannot exceed 10 hours in 1 day.
• Baby nurses: Some baby nurses are available to care for a newborn 24/7, while others work only at night, so Mom can get some sleep. This is particularly helpful during those dreaded sleepless nights, when the baby first comes home from the hospital. They usually stay with a family short term, anywhere from 1 week to 6 months.

Our Purpose

As time went on, The Working Mother and The Stay-at-Home Mom became fast friends. By now, I was expecting my third baby, and I sure needed help! The Working Mother needed more help, too, as she had just launched her second new business venture, and needed to balance her life as a full time working mom. We were both in situations where we needed to supplement our parenting skills with the assistance of a child-care provider. I just had no idea where to begin. How would I find a person who I would like and trust to help care for my children? It seemed overwhelming to me.

In fact, this exact issue is overwhelming to scores of everyday mothers, both new mothers and experienced mothers. No matter how competent and successful you are in life, and no matter how much experience you have in raising children; when you are faced with finding the right person to care for your kids, you become vulnerable. It can be a demoralizing experience to have control and composure in almost all other aspects of your life, but when it comes to child-care, everything is new and you realize how exposed you are. There are no written rules. There is no play book. You are armed with a fierce love for your children, the most precious and important people in your universe; and you find yourself confronted with so many questions and so few answers. You realize that you need assistance, reassurance, and advice; especially from other mothers who have been down that road ahead of you. “Do You Have Help?” can prepare you for this journey.

This blog site gives mothers the community and camaraderie that they seek, as well as a helpful guide about an increasingly popular topic: child-care. The Working Mother and The Stay-at-Home Mom deliver honest views on child-care, and offer advice that is invaluable, based on their personal experiences. (We are mothers to 6 children collectively!) There is an immediate need to address the relationship between child-care providers and parents, and to establish a guide of best practices. The “Do You Have Help?” blog site reassures moms that they are not alone, especially when it comes to making the right decisions for their children.

Nice to Meet You

After having 2 children a year apart, (Yes, you read that correctly, 12 months!), my husband and I decided it was time to pack up our crowded apartment, which was stuffed beyond limit with baby paraphernalia, and head to our dream house in the suburbs. I had visions of my new neighbors greeting us on moving day with homemade chocolate chip cookies and flowers, inviting us to join them for family barbeques and games of bridge. My neighborhood was filled with cul-de-sacs, lemonade stands, and children riding bikes. After 2 weeks, though, I had not yet met any of my neighbors. I had met, however, several local nannies who were busy dutifully pushing cute babies in jog strollers along our windy sidewalks.

One sunny afternoon, I had my daughters outside with me running around on the front lawn, when a hunter green Chevy Suburban slowly drove around the bend. Down rolled the tinted window and a pretty woman with long dark hair shouted over to me, “Hi, do you live here?” We ran to the top of the driveway to say hello. The woman introduced herself as The Working Mother, who lived around the corner at the top of the hill, and had 3 kids of her own. She was very friendly, perfectly fit, and dressed in a cute tennis outfit. Her nails were glistening with a fresh new French manicure. I noticed that she had 3 empty carseats strategically strapped into the back of her truck. And, her front seats were stuffed with shopping bags from Neiman Marcus. As she methodically applied a new coat of lipstick, she started to ask a lot of questions. She wanted to know when we moved in, where we were from, what did we do - all the usual questions that a neighbor would like to know about the “new family” on the block. And then, after viewing my two very young children, who were busy decorating her shiny clean car with sticky little handprints, she raised an eyebrow and asked me the critical question, “Do you have help?”

At first I was not quite sure what she meant. Did I have help with what? Then it dawned on me, she wanted to know if I had anyone to help me watch the kids. A babysitter, a nanny, a parent who lived nearby… anyone!

“No”, I replied, “it’s just me at home with my kids.”

The Working Mother looked at me with a stunned and confused expression. Then, she said she had to go as she was late for a school board meeting. She invited us to come over to her house to meet her kids, and set up a “playdate” with her nanny. She cheerily bid us goodbye, and then sped off.

I did not have help, but I definitely needed it! I think it had been days since I had washed my hair, and the only make up that I had on was chapstick. My clothes showed traces of baby spit-up and yellow child-friendly paint. I am sure I had black circles under my eyes from lack of sleep. Why would I sleep? I took pride in myself as a The Stay-at-Home Mom, who has never had a baby nurse, and would never dream of letting someone give a bottle of formula to my exclusively breast-fed children. The Working Mother looked rested and put together. Not a hair was out of place. We were both stay-at-home moms, so why was she so together and I was falling apart? The answer is simple – The Working Mother had help. She had a nanny to help her out with the kids and everyday chores. She actually had time to shower and wash her hair, play tennis, and drive around listening to her radio station of choice, without a car full of screaming children shouting for her to put on their favorite Barney portable DVD. By having help, she has an extra set of hands to help manage a full house. Am I missing something here?

The Working Mother and The Stay-at-Home Mom